He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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