it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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