hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
