Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
