I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
