the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
