Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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