There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
