i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
