I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
