filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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