i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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