You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
