If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
