Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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