Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
