I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
