I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize