So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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