yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Couch. On fire.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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