2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
