She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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