I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
