i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
