Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
