you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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