I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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