you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
