Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
