last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
