I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
