New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
