It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
