I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
two words...techno handjob
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
