U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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