You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
