I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
