You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
