You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize