I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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