i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
