I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My brain says no but my pants say off.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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