You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize