I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
