I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
