if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize