Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
