I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
