dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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