epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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