I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
