Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
