I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
