Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
