She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
