Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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