some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
not ubering you a puppy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
