She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
