she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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