I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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