bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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