I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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