What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
