i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
