No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
