No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
